Writings from the Past

2017: Finding Your Child in Me

Writings from the Past / July 14, 2020

Can I forget the pain?
I know you’re with me, but I feel unchanged.
I see Your beauty in every creature.
You spared nothing when You chose my place;
Blessings beyond comprehension.
Generations of followers, how could I belong here?

I feel like I’ll never be worthy of who You know I am.

Will I ever change?
Can I end this shame?
Will I be alone forever?

And then He said,

“With every piece of your world, you are exactly the one I made.
I knew you would come, and I know how you will go; and that is with blessings unimaginable.
You are chosen, you are loved and blessed.
You will conquer these demons; you’re strong, and I know every corner of your heart.

Move forward, I am waiting for you.
We are here, your prayer army is cheering.
The ones who made you on that Earth are here; they want your life to build Our Kingdom.
Their prayers ring out through Heaven itself!”

Change me Lord, make me beautiful.
Make my Heart Your Heart.
It’s been a long journey, and it’s not going to end until You call me to You.
I know you can change me.
In an instant you’d make me whole.
And my saving Grace in times of doubt; dark and weak moments robbing my heart from Your confidence.

You cannot warm this heart while it’s tied to my failures.

Fall on me. Walk with me. Let me think of You in every endeavor, and let my spirit be ever closer to You.

I know You’re making me beautiful; I know You’re making me new.
But when Lord can I just be with You?

Take my life.
May my words be Your words; my actions Your actions.

Make my heart reflect Your beauty and love.
Change me forever, until my heart is Yours alone.

“Beauty Untold”

Writings from the Past / May 15, 2020

Summer 2017

You’re bringing me home, Your promises written on my soul. Lord You’ve made me open, grateful. I’ve walked through the fire, but not one moment was I alone.

You have saved me; You have made me whole, and from this moment my pathway is Your will alone.

Could I have done better? Did I ruin Your beautiful picture? Am I just the reconstruction? An abstract, unrecognizable picture of the one I should have been?

Or can You still make me Your prized possession; my purpose clean, restored as new in Your universe? Shape me and form me and make me Your will, for You have always and only been my heart’s firm hold.

You have reached my heart, You touched it over and over. Yet I turned unto another. I am ready for Your Spirit; I am ready, make Your purpose reality.

My heart is Yours, My mouth is Yours, My spirit is Yours. My testimony, my every move. The essence of my being; I am Yours. Thank You for this place, thank You for Your Angels. Thank You for my Family. Thank You for all of the unknowns; Your power is made perfect through each weakness and iniquity.

God You have changed me, I love You with every ounce of my soul. You sent me through it; countless choices drew me so far. Your wisdom is above any human thought; You knew my needs before the universe conceived my faults.

The faults that it took the mirror so long to convince my being of; You knew they were the very things to fuel Your beauty within me.

Restoration – Spring 2017

Writings from the Past / August 7, 2020

My beautiful Saviour, My Prince of Peace. You have been faithful, You’ve restored my heart When I never thought it could be clean. You’re driving me home. You’re cleansing my muddy soul’s disarray.

Finally, finally I truly see, I am Yours and You are mine! There is nothing ever that could define- Peace surpassing my deepest plea; You’ve washed me, raised me, fed me, You’ve made me clean.

I never imagined I’d reach that place, truly chained. I’ve never seen the mirror that unclear, that obscene.

From the depths of my sorrows, When strength and surety had faded from me. I was lost, given over, blind held in confusion.

It was real; something trying. I asked Your will, but I took Your silence for answers, selfishly. I have loved many; I am naive. I am the finisher in the end of any love requited.

I think this last time, I think I finally see. I am stubborn and willfully blind; and over and over You said “It’s Me.” I finally see, I finally know. Although I’ve been foolish, relentless in the choice of flesh I’m now finally home.

So take me Lord and make me whole. I need your presence, fill my soul. You lead me through the darkest of night, now the light of You I cannot deny.

For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

Luke 14:11 NIV

For those who find Me find life and receive favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 8:35 NIV

2017: Mind in the Mirror

Writings from the Past / April 30, 2020

April 29, 2020

Today I found a small spiral journal in the bottom of a box. It was one of those boxes that contains the disorganized odds and ends of life; the final bit of junk, hurriedly thrown together in an effort to finally clear every item from a home that has now become “where you used to live”. Am I the only person that has this horribly bad habit? I mean, I don’t consider myself unable to part with unnecessary items, and I frequently throw items away, but I admit that I probably do have way too many “random item boxes”. I’ve come to wonder if it’s just laziness that accounts for my leaving them untouched for far too long, or could there be something more to it?

This particular journal actually crossed my mind a week or so ago; not because of anything I remembered writing in it, but because it was a very pretty little journal. It’s colors are lovely–aqua on the bottom with a red apple and a lime green patterned pear–and on the front, at the top right, the verses Galatians 5:22-23 are written out, listed one above the other: ‘The Fruits of the Spirit’. I did not look for the journal, but as life would have it today, I happened to stumble across the exact thing I was not looking for only to tell me what I never expected or remembered that I needed to remember.

So today, through the Looking Glass I did venture…. peering through the words of my mind’s eye three years prior to present day life. It’s baffling what can be remembered–not necessarily of physical circumstance–but of what the heart endures, the strength forgotten. Sometimes I think we’d just rather forget about the unpleasant and shameful failures and personal hardships that we’ve battled in the past, whether consciously or subconsciously. Once shame has faded, all that is left are the memories within our minds. God is a forgiving God, and His love and mercy are the only contentment that can ever be found on this earth. It is by His Love alone within our hearts that we are made worthy of love–from the Father, between one another, and within oneself as an individual. I truly believe He can breathe life into every and any one moment.

Everything I have ever written is scattered and disorganized and typically a surprise whether new or old. “Writings from the Past” will begin firstly with the year 2017.